8 Life Skills to Hone on a Road Trip
BY JENNESSA DURRANI OF WW.JENNESSADURRANI.COM
We are serial road trippers and have been since my oldest was two. This grew out of my husband seeing it as an exciting way to travel and my frugal-ness. Cost savings aside, it's a freeing way to travel that forces, I mean allows a lot of togetherness.
Over the years we have logged thousands of miles and as a result, have some great road trip tips, but once the bags are packed and snacks purchased, there are also a lot of life skills that you can hone while on a road trip.
Here are the Top 8
1. Planning (and lack thereof)
Planning is my middle name--well actually it is Kae, but planning is part of my being. My first degree is in interior design (space planning) and then went on to work as an event planner for years. I know a thing or two about putting a plan into action. When it comes to road trips, however, outside of pointing our car in the direction of a location and knowing a lot about what we "could" do there and along the way, my planning ends at packing the truck. We plan our destination, pack our bags, load up on snacks and entertainment and then hope for the best.
“As much as we want to control everything and make sure everything is in place, you invariably forget something and/or something doesn’t go as planned. You need to prepare for the worst and hope for the best! And you need to be able to bounce back when the plan “fails”. We can control our choices, but not the outcomes.”
2. Going with the Flow
I've determined over the years that I am not actually a Type A personality, but I am particular and pretty darn reliable. If I say I'm going to do something, I am going to do it and goal setting with milestones is second nature to me. So this skill was pretty hard at first, but I have fully embraced it over the years! The way we determine our destinations is typically checking the weather within a 12-18 hour radius from Boston and pointing towards the most ideal conditions. That’s the beauty of a road trip. There aren't boarding passes and flight times to contend with. You aren't all ready at the departure time? No worries, you can leave later. Want to stay at a location longer along the way, so be it! I used to rant and rave in the last hours before leaving, calling out orders and making sure everyone was helping get us ready and then I realized I was the only one that was freaking out. I now leisurely pack the bags (I have a system) and pack the truck (I have control issues) and when it gets done it gets done. If that is late, we wait until the next day, if it's the afternoon, we hit the road. We also NEVER make hotel reservations outside of 30 minutes from our location. Why? Because we may change our direction at any moment.
“In our day to day lives we “should” have a direction and a structure in place to keep our family ship from capsizing, but it needs to be flexible enough to weather the ebbs and flows and allow for some fun to surprise us now and again!”
3. Embracing Change
Several years ago we set our sights on Nashville, Tennessee for our spring break. We packed the truck and headed out. On the second day of driving we hit the welcome center for Tennessee, which had two rooms full of brochures on what to do in each area of the state. It became quite clear quite quickly that Nashville, while wonderful, had a whole lot of nothing to do for little kids. We could have freaked out, but instead we perused the rooms for all the things that they would enjoy and reprogrammed the GPS for Chattanooga where we had an awesome time in the Smoky Mountains and had experiences that were breathtaking.
“If you hold the end game so close to you, that you can’t see the opportunities that may be staring you in the face of change, you are going to miss an awesome ride. Ask yourself, “what’s the worst thing that could happen?” Yeah, it’s not that scary after all.”
4. Overcoming Regret
I still marvel at what we did before GPS and the internet. We would have a map and make an educated guess on the best route and just go for it. On a recent trip, we had three (yes three) GPS applications running to provide us up to the minute traffic and road condition. At every intersection, it was the dueling "Lady GPS's" and was annoying at best. What was even more annoying was that even with all of this "data", my husband wanted us to stay the course of the traditional GPS and not use alternate routes, etc. Needless to say, I had to drive 60 miles with regret building from that split-second decision. Which it was within these 60 miles of cramping in my leg because I couldn't use my cruise control that the idea of this post came to me. And so I focused really hard on this life lesson.
“Once you make the decision to do something you own it and have to ride it out and not beat yourself up over it. I also made a mental note that next time, I’m not making the same mistake again. And in life, that’s about all you can do in these situations! ”
5. Minimizing Blame
When we are on a road trip there are about 5 billion decisions to make along the way. Days Inn or Holiday Inn Express (I mentioned my frugal-ness)? Chinese or Italian? Interstate 95 or the Parkway? Zoo or Aquarium? Sometimes everyone agrees, but more times than not a tie-breaker decision has to be made and inevitably someone is unhappy with the decision that is being made. So the last time when the GPS wanted us to go on the Parkway coming out of NYC and my husband noted that we should stay on 95 I had the choice of overruling him and facing the consequences if we came to standstill traffic and taking his advice and holding my tongue if we hit standstill traffic. Let's suffice it to say that there was traffic everywhere so it was a lose-lose no matter where we went. But it is a great lesson about assigning blame.
“Throwing blame back and forth is an exhausting game of tetherball. Similar to dealing with regret comes to blame. There are a lot of outside forces when it comes to making decisions—peers, relatives, spouses, GPSs, etc. We can listen to all of them, but in the end, we make our own decisions and we own it. Blaming someone else, or feeling guilty by assigning blame to ourselves, does not make anyone feel better. In the end, you will get to your destination (be it a bit later than you hoped). ”
6. Managing Expectations
For our honeymoon, we went to San Francisco, Yosemite, and Napa Valley. While we were in Napa we had a must-see on our agenda. To visit the Old Faithful geyser. We've all seen visuals of the geyser in Yellowstone that are phenomenal. To be so close to the California version seemed too good to be true. My memory of our visit was pulling down a small road and going through what seemed like someone's house where we paid our $14 admission and walked out into the "backyard". We waited for the natural wonder and before we knew it nasty brown water shot out of the ground in what seemed like a mechanical geyser. All we could do was laugh! I certainly don't want to discourage anyone from visiting it on their own, but it was a big story for us for the rest of our trip. Like, "Really, that was it?"
“How many times have you gotten so excited for something and it falls short? All the time, right!?! You could lament, write a nasty letter, and/or complain like a crazy person. Or you can laugh it off and find all the good things within the situation. Your choice.”
7. Compromise
For anyone that has been to Disney, you know that your family can be pulled in a million directions at once. Far too many choices and something for everyone. And with four strong-willed individuals, we are bound to have some split decisions along the way--Fantasyland or Tomorrowland? Disneyland or California Adventure? Since I've mastered the "going with the flow" skill (or so I'd think I have) I don't really care what we do or where we go, I'm much more for the overall experience and the togetherness factor. But my kids are resolute in their wants and stand their ground. This is probably the hardest for them to master. My job here is to be a crack negotiator to help them find common ground and or a win-win solution.
“We need to focus on the giver’s gain. What can I gain by letting go? What are my nice to haves versus must-haves? Where do I stand my ground and where can I relent?”
8. Releasing
As much as I tout going with the flow and letting the schedule shift, there is always some stress in the leaving portion of the trip. After finally hitting the road, I am treated to a good 30 minutes of my husband quizzing me, "Did you remember q-tips?" "What about the iPad charger?" and a lot of driving instructions. "I would be in the middle lane if I were you." And this is just at the beginning. Think a few days down the road when everyone is over tired, sugared up and full of opinions. It's enough to make your head explode and definitely grounds for screaming your head off! But instead, I breathe. Deep breathes that I can feel all the way to my toes. I then recite my 5 Tibetans Yoga Workshop mantra for the second Tibetan. "This is air. Opening the heart chakra. Blowing away anger, resentment, bitterness, envy, jealousy, animosity and rage. Creating the space for love and compassion, forgiveness and vulnerability, acceptance and peace." This one is huge folks.
“Stop. And. Breathe. It’s amazing how much better you will feel.”
I could also go on and on about keeping perspective, mutual respect, awareness, etc., but you get the idea. Putting your family in tight quarters for a serious amount of time is a crash course in human nature and a laboratory for life skills. If you can make it through the time with more fond memories than excruciating ones, you've won! And then you can take everything that you learned and apply it to the other 350 days in the year!
Now hit the road Jack!
You can follow our road trip adventures with hashtag #durranifamilyroadtrip
Jennessa Durrani is a personal development coach using art and connection to lift moms from the muddle of midlife. She helps tired and depleted women reignite the flame they were born with and discover new directions through her Life by Design curriculum and the Daily Practice community. When you join her community, you will find nourishment for the heart and mind with a circle of supportive, like-minded women encouraging each other to shine. Her community is open to new members at http://adailypractice.mn.co. To learn more about Jennessa, visit: www.jennessadurrani.com @justjennessa