Self-Regulation: How to Find Your Way Back Home to Yourself
By Danielle Gertner Founder of Danielle Gertner + Own Your Shit Podcast
Not that you need a reminder, but man, did we have one heck of a year.
One double stuffed with uncertainty and a generous pinch of chaos - the perfect combination to send most people’s nervous system into straight-up PANIC mode.
Some of us found ourselves twiddling (or swiping) our thumbs more than we had in the past (which was already pushing it),. Most of us found ourselves revisiting memories, thoughts, fears, and “what ifs” that might have been sitting dormant deep within our brains and hearts while we went about living our busy, distracted lives.
Some of us found ourselves out of a job, and many of us found ourselves unable to hug the people we love the most.
When we thought we had a grip on this thing called life, Mamma Universe showed up and reminded us who is boss.
Amid the chaos of a rapidly changing external world, for many, the chaos of the very world within us simultaneously awoke.
“Elevated levels of adverse mental health conditions, substance use, and suicidal ideation were reported by adults in the United States in June 2020. The prevalence of symptoms of anxiety disorder was approximately three times those reported in the second quarter of 2019 (25.5% versus 8.1%), and prevalence of depressive disorder was approximately four times that reported in the second quarter of 2019 (24.3% versus 6.5%).”
It wasn’t all bad, though.
This year also brought countless opportunities to reconnect with the very thing many search for in life - a deeper sense of self, a deeper sense of love, and a deeper sense of fulfillment.
So how do we go from anxiety-filled thoughts about our health, money, job security, and future to a place of unshakeable inner peace?
Introducing the power of self-regulation.
Let’s zoom out a bit first and understand what is happening in the brain and body that requires us to self-regulate in the first place.
To understand this, we first must remember that we are walking around with the same set of hardware as our caveman and woman ancestors who had this thing called the “fight or flight” response to ensure their survival.
If you need a quick refresher…
“Fight or flight is the body’s response to perceived threat or danger. During this reaction, certain hormones like adrenaline and cortisol are released, speeding the heart rate, slowing digestion, shunting blood flow to major muscle groups, and changing various other autonomic nervous functions, giving the body a burst of energy and strength. Originally named for its ability to enable us to physically fight or run away when faced with danger, it’s now activated in situations where neither response is appropriate, like in traffic or during a stressful day at work. When the perceived threat is gone, systems are designed to return to normal function via the relaxation response, but in our times of chronic stress, this often doesn’t happen enough, causing damage to the body.”
Please note: as mentioned above, the fight or flight response was a crucial part of our survival as a species. The issue lies in the fact that it is usually stimulated for non-life-threatening reasons,like traffic,and fails to turn off.
Was their safety being threatened? Attack or runaway.
Their basic needs at risk of not being met? Attack or runaway.
Those basic needs have not gone anywhere - even if they have molded themselves to align with living in the 21st century.
Every which way you see the world and show up in the world, at a foundational level, is an effort for you to survive and reproduce.
For example, if you lost your job during the pandemic, you might have worried about you and your family’s financial security.
Anxiety and fear for the future begin to kick in.
And from there, your thoughts run wild, and the fight or flight response triggers in your nervous system, meaning you might experience shortness of breath, an increase in heart rate, and tension throughout your body.
Most Americans were already living in a constant state of fight or flight, without even realizing it, and the pandemic was just the icing on the cake to amplify the noise in our heads we had worked so hard to quiet.
So, are we doomed forever?
Not if you learn to self-regulate.
What is self-regulation?
“Self-regulation is the ability to monitor and manage your energy states, emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that are acceptable and produce positive results such as well-being, loving relationships, and learning.” ”
In a nutshell, it is how we deal with and manage daily stressors, disruptive emotions, and behaviors. Practicing it requires presence, self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and an ability to filter sensory stimuli (among a few other things).
In a more woo-woo sense, we can face emotional, social, and cognitive threats in our environment with patience and mindfulness.
Why do we need to practice it?
Learning to practice self-regulation can allow you to turn off your chronic state of fight or flight, which will only amplify any fears or anxieties you might be experiencing.
It allows us to pause between feeling and reacting, which allows us to stay calm under pressure.
How do we practice it?
Remember that self-regulation is all about recognizing our stressful state and getting our nervous system to turn on its relaxation response (unless you are in danger).
Here are a few ways to practice self-regulation:
Recognize your power to CHOOSE
Our real opportunity to find inner peace lies in the space between a feeling and a reaction.
You do not have to choose the same thought patterns or reactions that you have in the past. You have the power to choose and act differently.
Awareness + Acceptance
Being present enough with your body and mind to know what is happening and when. Accept when you are noticing a shift in state.
Build your self-regulation toolbox
Recognize the story in your head
Are you thinking of the past? Is the story a reality right now? Most of the time, it is not. If your best friend hasn’t called you back in 3 days and the story in your head is “she is mad at me or hates me,” you are adding unnecessary stress to your body. Try changing the story to “she must be really busy and will touch base when she can.”
Humming
Humming stimulates the vagus nerve, a nerve that connects the brainstem to the body, and when activated, it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system.
Try this: hum “OM” for 1 minute and see if you notice a shift in your state.
Breathing + Meditation
You might think, “well, duh!” when seeing this one but focusing on the breath is one of the most powerful ways to regulate our nervous system.
Try this: For one minute, take an inhale in through your nose for a count of 5, hold that inhale in for a count of 7, exhale through your nose for a count of 8 and repeat.
Shake out
Did you know that emotions are energy in motion? If you are feeling emotion in your body, it is energy that might be stuck. Practicing some form of movement - be it yoga or a high-intensity workout- will help the energy move through you.
Try this: Turn on some music (not necessary but a nice addition) and start by shaking your right hand. After a few seconds, add your left hand, then right and left feet. Then begin to shake your head, shoulder, and butt. Then shake your entire body at the same time. Let it all go. Then after a minute or two of shaking, stop and close your eyes and tune in to your breath. What do you feel?
Grounding
Did you know that the Earth electrons that can positively impact your body’s chemistry? Even 2 minutes of standing with your bare feet in the grass, sand, or dirty (the closer to natural Earth, the better) can increase your mood, improve digestion and sleep.
Try this: take your shoes and socks off and walk barefoot in the grass or sand for 5 minutes. Focus on your breathing while you walk and the feeling of the Earth beneath your feet.
However, this year landed with you, or however life lands with you in the future. I hope you remember your choice + power to self-regulate and come back home to yourself.
Enjoyed what you read? Let’s be friends. You can find me on Instagram, join my email list (promise I only send the good stuff) or if you want tools and tips on how to come back home to yourself on the go, listen and download Own Your Shit Podcast.
Driven to inspire people everywhere to take ownership over their lives and live with unparalleled radical confidence, in 2016, Danielle Gertner founded Gertner Grind, a platform that challenges the mainstream approach to wellness and inspires people to see the world as their gym.
Danielle learned early on that physical fitness was only a small piece of the puzzle when it came to holistic health, happiness, fulfillment and success and so she began her journey into the world of self-mastery, radical confidence and habit and mindset transformation.
Today, she serves her clients as an Ownership coach - utilizing tools like neuro-linguistic programming to teach people the blueprint to taking ownership over their lives through her online programs and courses, workshops, and retreats.
Danielle believes that in order to live the life you have always imagined for yourself, you need to do only one thing - own your sh*t, loud and proud!
Sources:
CDC, (2020). Mental Health, Substance Use, and Suicidal Ideation During the COVID-19 Pandemic — United States, June 24–30, 2020
A Very Well Mind, Arlin Cuncic (2020). How to Develop and Practice Self-Regulation
Healthline, Medically reviewed by Debra Rose Wilson, Ph.D., MSN, R.N., IBCLC, AHN-BC, CHT — Written by Eleesha Lockett, MS ( 2019). Exploring Earthing Science and the Benefits Behind It
Young Diggers, The fight or flight response: Our body's response to stress