Learning How to Have it All
By Jennessa Durrani of ww.jennessadurrani.com
Step 1 to Having it All
When I was 10, I decided that I was going to be an interior designer when I grew up. I have no idea how I came to that conclusion. How I even knew what an interior designer was growing up in my itty town in the middle of nowhere Iowa, way before HGTV was a thing.
I set my sights on New York City—as a ten-year-old from a town of 1,700 people.
I declared to all of my friends that I would live in Brooklyn and adopt a daughter and name her Brooke Lynn (clever, right?!).
I wasn’t going to get married because I was never going to make dinner for someone else.
My ten-year-old self’s idea of having it all meant to become an interior designer, move to NYC, adopt a child, stay single (aka only cook dinner for myself).
When I graduated from design school, I headed to Boston. A stepping stone to New York City and got a job at a national interior architecture firm.
I was living the dream. Assuming that making $19K/year and living at the end of the Logan airport runway in East Boston was a dream! (As a result, I can sleep through anything!)
As I settled into “adult” life, I started to realize that I might want to entertain the idea of a future husband and family after all. Only as long as I could continue to climb the corporate ladder—travel for business, and move to NYC, work long nights, and “network” regularly.
My 22-year-old self’s idea of having it all meant to get married, raise awesome city kids while working like a crazy person, and becoming an interior designer.
Over time, as I paid more attention to the women in my life that I thought “had it all,” I realized that they were not as happy as I had believed.
It made me start to think.
One day on the train into work, I thought to myself, “Do I want to do this for the rest of my life?”
Because that’s a long time.
Shortly after that, I met my husband, which led to a million conversations on what we wanted together.
From those conversations and a lot of soul searching, I started to frame the direction I wanted to move in and understand what was most important.
My 26-year-old self’s idea of having it all meant being happy.
So there you have it.
The Formula for Having it All
Step 1: Realizing that only you can define what that is for you.
You need not listen to anyone else, including your ten-year-old self. It doesn’t mean being Wonder Woman, having kids, not having kids, working full time, staying at home, getting married, staying single…it means being happy with whatever you choose.
As a young adult, “having it all” meant working hard for others and being a successful businesswoman while single-handedly running the most efficient household and having the most coiffed children.
When I came to grips with what that meant—it sounded horrifying…and exhausting! All of it. That wasn’t going to make me happy. So I chucked that idea and all of my other preconceived notions.
What does make me happy? Living in the suburbs as a self-employed work-from-home-mom of two boys, married to an awesome husband (who does bathrooms, floors, and dishes) that I make dinner for every. single. night.
Believe me. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns, but it gives me the balance between my work (which I love) and my family life that I need to thrive.
When I think about it, it makes me smile.
Of course, what you want and need to be happy is very likely completely different. And that is A-OK. It’s for YOU and only you to decide.
And here’s the real secret…it’s not too late.
Jennessa Durrani is a personal development coach that helps moms in middle life tap into their creativity, come alive and create a life by design by dreaming big and implementing small. She does this through 1:1 and small group coaching and hosts an online community for women called A Daily Practice.
Her community will be open to new members again on May 31st. For more information, visit: www.jennessadurrani.com @justjennessa