Learning How to Have it All (Part 2)
By Jennessa Durrani of ww.jennessadurrani.com
Step 2 To Having it All
Last month I wrote my take on the first step to having it all, which in summary is realizing that YOU determine what “having it all” means.
It’s different for every person and shouldn’t be dictated by the norms put forth by others.
So now, it’s time to work on step 2.
Once you determine what your “having it all” looks like, you must then understand that having it all, does not mean “doing it all”.
The moms that are bringing beautiful, hand-decorated, gluten-free, organic cupcakes to the school’s fundraiser, literally left the water running in the kitchen, which looks like a bomb went off in it. You know that mom that is the queen of the carpool and always, I mean always, volunteers to bring the orange slices for soccer practice, hasn’t done laundry in weeks.
Social media does not help us in this quandary, as I have been known to do this as well–very carefully selecting the best angle and photo of our 15 minutes of fabulousness in an otherwise crappy day and posting it online. That does not accurately portray anyone’s reality of life behind the scenes.
So do an audit, won’t you?
Get out a piece of paper and do a mind dump of all of the “stuff” that you have committed to doing. Include everything that you feel guilty about not doing more of. Get it all out onto the page.
The fundraisers
The work commitments
The carpools
The kid’s activities
All of it!
“Next to each of those items that you want to delete, write something that you love to do, but never have time for, or want to do more of. ”
Then draw a line through all of the things on that list that does not bring you joy. I know, it’s hard.
Next to each of those items that you want to delete, write something that you love to do, but never have time for, or want to do more of. Things that fill YOUR well. They can be activities for others and for you, but certainly do not forget about you.
Now, to be able to add to your life, you need to be willing to let go of the things that are not filling your well. You have to put the ball down. All the way down, so that someone else can pick it up. As Brené Brown says, “Choose discomfort over resentment.” It’s hard to drop those balls and in some cases let someone down, but choose those moments of awkwardness over-committing to tasks and activities that suck you dry and you will inevitably resent.
Remember…you don’t need to be all things to all people.
You need to be the best you for YOU and the people that are most important to you.
What are three steps you are willing to take this week to let go of activities that no longer serve you?
Jennessa Durrani is a personal development coach using art and connection to lift moms from the muddle of midlife. She helps tired and depleted women reignite the flame they were born with and discover new directions through her Life by Design curriculum and the Daily Practice community. When you join her community, you will find nourishment for the heart and mind with a circle of supportive, like-minded women encouraging each other to shine. Her community is open to new members at http://adailypractice.mn.co. To learn more about Jennessa, visit: www.jennessadurrani.com @justjennessa